Tinder While Travelling

Tinder While Travelling

It was the morning of my departure. T-minus 4hrs and counting. My mood was anxious, my mood was foreign. I strained for indifference.

Ubering to the airport, the driver asked: “International eh, headed far?”, “Nah mate. Just Singapore”. Good boy, play it down, lest he mock your enthusiasm – so worldly are the men who drive us around. “Singers eh? Been there a heap. Get on Tinder – they’re literally gagging for it”. I cock a brow, picturing girls in the streets; rolling, clawing, gasping for air, willing my speedy arrival. Literally gagging with anticipation. I humour the thought. I hope they’re ok.

Unsurprisingly, I got on tinder. Not one to take things seriously, I wrote:

I’m the prince of a European country – and heir to an opulent throne. While my country is small, we are rich in character…but more so in gold. I travel to Asia to seek my wife. In doing so, I have defied my father. He is a merciful king but knows nothing of love. I seek a woman to be my future queen, to share my life, and to help carry the burden of my debilitating wealth. I eagerly await your reply, my future royal highness.

Hey, it worked for Eddie Murphy, and he’s not even funny – so why not me?

I checked my phone on touch down, expecting a tepid response. But the boards lit up! Was this for real? Were they legit? I’ve heard Asians don’t get irony – so I picked an expat, just to be safe.

An hour later we were sharing a drink. Titsiana played tour guide for the night (name protected) – we hopped from bar to bar, and from sight to sight. Let’s just say that by morning I’d seen the ins and outs of Singapore. Creepy pun intended.

I’m off to KL next. Despite being a Muslim country, there’s no lack of talent. So stay tuned for Part 2 – you’ll crack a serious fatwa!